Saturday, June 22, 2002

Purely in the spirit of completeness, I saw Unfaithful with R, Thursday.

Diane Lane literally runs into Olivier Martinez on an unfeasibly windy day in New York. She is wearing a ridiculously revealing wrap-over skirt, and he is carrying a vast number of books. He invites her up to his appartment, where the dialogue goes something like this:

Olivier: [in faux Naughty French Wine accent] I am a twenty eight year old French bookdealer living in a friend's appartment rent-free, and I'm great in bed. Look, I've got tattoos, I must be a creative lover.

Diane: I, on the other hand, am an early forties married-with-kid suburbanite, who just came into the City looking for excitement, and the opportunity to show my fabulous legs to anyone on Mercer Street. Can I borrow your phone to call my son in front of you just to clarify my family responsibilities? (I have a cellphone, you'll see it later, but for now I need to be beholden to you in some way, so let's just forget that.)

It's all down hill from there, believe me. Though I'm sure that it will come as no surprise to you that she's unfaithful. With him. If you liked Richard Gere in Pretty Woman, he looks like someone's Dad now. And their kid is spectacularly plain-boy-next-door for the offspring of such an attractive union.

Wait till you can't sleep and they show it at 2am on ITV in 2005. Really.

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