sashinka | observation orientated, with a twist of lime | a blog

Tales From the London Underground Customer Service Heartland

So the marketing speaks very highly of it, so I decide to get an Oystercard. Apparently, there's no fumbling for change, and you can pay 2003 rates all year. Who writes this guff? I can't find my photocard, so I go and get a crap photo taken in Kilburne tube, fill out my card, queue for like ever, get to the front, get my new photocard, ask for a Daily Tikcets Oystercard, and get told "dey told sell dem. Read the poster."

Now the poster says buy it here, but I know more than to argue with an LT CSR. So I take my ugly new photocard, and go off and hole myself up in the British Library (you wouldn't believe what I don't currently know about optoelectronics. Clients, eh?).

Get home, tidy my house, find my old photocard with attractive photo, and go online. Also, I made more chilli and carrot and dill soup. We have a lot of vegetables. It's the worst website I've ever seen: looks cute and navigatable at first glance, but not actually copywritten, so you only understand it if you spent two months on the marketing brief. If you're just a punter, it doesn't make sense. Gah.

So I eventually I find the - stupid popup - bit that says:
"Get an Oyster card now and with Pre Pay, you’ll make great savings on single journeys from 4th January 2004. That’s because prices are set at 2003 prices for the whole of 2004. Take a look at the table below to see how much you can save."

I start buying it - fill out a stupid registration form, give them my photcard number... and get to the payment but and it's NOT SECURE. Unbelievable. I'm on IE6 like the rest of the office-stylee world, and I'm not prepared to do it, all kinds of security-scary pop-ups.

By now it's well past 8pm, so I can't call them. 8am, I call 0845 330 9876, where they're on-hold message says (a) we're so buys phone back tomorrow, and (b) Daily Tickets are not available here, yet. Eventually, I get through to a Kylie, and I check that they are available - yeah, they just didn't update the message. Oh, fine.

I check that I can get 2003 rates all year by just putting £10 on my card now. "Oh no," says Kylie, after checking with a colleague, "just for the money you put on." She can't verify anything, and tells me to call the Oyster Helpdesk on 0845 330 9876. "That's the number I just called you on," I said. Oh. So she gave me another number, that was a fax number, and then I called back and chose the "Help option" and spoke to someone who said I could get the 2003 prices all year. Which is actually not true - if a single ticket is £2 now, and likely to go up in 2004, you pay £1.60 on your Oystercard. It probably is good value if you can bear buying one.

So after a couple of goes this Kylie got the switch card machine to work - halleluyah - and the card's in the post. No, I can't buy daily travelcards till March 2004. No, no buses either. No, she says, it's not a great system. Wonder who it's outsourced too? I'm not sitting by my letterbox anytime soon.