So I'm on the heathrow express from Paddington (£25 return, not even first class - proof positive, if you ever needed it of the cashrich-timepoor trade off) and I'm watching their faux-live news, which is a time-lagged version of the news I saw this morning.
Then they have the security shtick - make sure you don't have any sharp objects in your bag (good idea). Then there's little 2D road sign-esque graphics with red lines through them, of all the dangerous items one shouldn't carry in these turbulent times. Like darts.
I can't help myself. I turn to the nice looking, thirtyish business-blokey with beard (geek, I say) sitting next to me.
"Darts?" I say.
"Yeah, I had mine confiscated on my last trip. Forgot to take them out of my pocket," he responds, ironically, quick as a flash.
The nail scissors with the red line through them scroll down the screen.
"Nail scissors?" I say.
"Whoever killed and maimed a person with nail scissors?" he asks.
I realise that on my last three flights I've had my nail scissors confiscated because I had carry-on only (you never know when they might make you leave the country; have your bag packed) and nowhere else to put them.
It comes to me in a moment of inspiration.
"Know what I think? The nail scissors people are in cahoots with the airline security people."
He smiles, knowingly - maybe I pegged him wrong, and he's in the manicure supply business, and just looks like a geek.
"Yeah," I continue - I'm on a roll now, "because what happened was, the nail scissor sector wasnt' doing well. I mean, what's the repeat business ratio in the that industry? The nail scissor people are in cahoots with the security people. It's not about terrorism, it's a business development scam."
He's straight faced. Ronnie Barker to my Ronnie Corbett.
"So I shouldn't invest in the nail scissor sector? Good tip, thanks."
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