sashinka | observation orientated, with a twist of lime | a blog

I had a quick coffee with a former work colleague during the week - it was really lovely to catch up, we both had reason to be in the British Library - and we hadn't seen each other for a few years.

We'd both been doing interesting stuff in the intervening time (her slightly more than me, I have to admit), but she told me something that I've not been able to stop thinking about.

I met a woman in my first job who had been promoted, and showed me the ropes for the first few days. We stayed vaguely in touch; we both worked for a variety of media companies and it's a small world blah blah blah. She was a nice person.

A few years back, maybe two, she's top brass at a media plc, and I did a piece of competitor analysis for her, it was nice to be in touch, and she told me she'd got married the previous year. I remember what she said in her email, "it was the most rewarding day of my life" and I remember feeling happy for her; not everyone finds love, especially if they work 20 hours a day, and she seemed happy and settled and I congratulated her.

So this week, my friend told me that this woman had lost her husband - I'm guessing he was in his late thirites - and I was just shocked. She didn't know any details, although my desire to know details, have an explanation, was as much for me to make sense of the world as anything else, but I've not been able to stop thinking about it.

I've not been in touch with her for a while, so I think it would be weird for me to write and say "hear your husband died" but I feel like I want to acknowledge it in some way. This morning, while I was brushing my teeth, the thought of her loss came into my mind and I was momentarily... breathless. Tearful, almost.

The world can sometimes seem terribly unfair.

Of course, it swings both ways. My former colleague also told me that my first boss, who must now be pushing fifty, and was a nice, incredibly green fingered woman, but slightly spinsterish, had met a bloke in a bar, found love and moved to Berlin.

This woman - who always had slightly unfortunate initials on internal documents, STD - I remember as being quite bitter about men, and filled her time growing spider plants in our office (the oxygen was good for us), doing charity work, renovating her house and holidaying in exotic places. Not that any of these things are bad things.

And now she's all loved up in Eur-ope (imagine Woody Allen voice, please), which can only be a good thing.

So, one good, one not so good. Do they balance each other out?